re: ABGs

english is a very literal language

chinese has so many ways to interpret one sentence it's a more beautiful language

beauty is in what cannot be expressed in words in what words dont do justice it's a feeling

but maybe perhaps (mayhaps) we find romance in what we dont understand

  • popular media
  • youth i never had
  • this reminiscence / nostalgia that others have that i dont even have bc there was no first-hand experience to reminisce on in the first place
  • 2nd degree mimetic desire
  • the so called 青春

even during the years that one's youth would normally take place, i was not partaking in very youthful activities in the conventional sense of the word

what's a good word for this? the dictionary offers

  • anemoia
  • sehnsucht

saying that there are many ways to interpret smth (i.e. chinese) is the same as saying that u dont understand it bc if u understood, u would be able to pinpoint the exact interpretation given context

we find romance in what we havent experienced, which is equiv to "dont understand"

i romanticize drugs bc i havent experienced it. same with death. same with love.

schooling has been the prevalent central element about which my life has been based around so far. so most of my thoughts r related to school, as much as i hate to say it.

so when i think of the chinese language, i think of chinese local schools, and their 青春s - their friends and relationships.

i never experienced this stuff, so i dont understand it, so i find it romantic. and i project to the chinese language, which i am also not fluent at, so i dont understand it even more, so i find it romantic.

the same can be said for why americans romanticize europe, which has large basis in european languages (e.g. french is a romantic language, which has etymological origins, but culturally it's love romantic).

this all stems from why i listen to chinese songs despite being illiterate to the language.

in particular, it's chinese dj remixes, hot on douyin. of which the only reason i find them romantic is chinese baddies. so everything is downstream of chinese baddies (hmu)

oct 9 addendum

what i said earlier was on one's mastery (what u understand), but mastery is fake, it's actually perceived mastery (what u think yk), and perception is directly proportional to confidence. now confidence can be modeled by the dunning-kruger effect.

Confidence spikes early, collapses into a valley of despair, then climbs slowly to a plateau well below the first spike

the dunning-kruger effect

but the DKE is flawed, it doesnt measure confidence granular enough. it's more like a repeated series of DKEs. of varying height and varying ends. u think that u've explored it all, only to find another facet that u dk about, thus an endless DKE:

The same spike-and-crash shape repeating at varying heights, each cycle landing wherever it lands, sometimes above where it started and sometimes below, with no trend and no final plateau

an endless DKE

epistemology is a boundless pursuit.

aside: funny chinese tiktok captions

人生是一场巨大的心想事成 你拿什么跟我比 我吃KFC从来不看星期几 今天明天后天有什么区别 可以申请加入你的购物车吗 她不是你 她不一样 没有文案 重要的不是长相 是感觉对吗 如果是我 要怎么说 哪有那么多一见钟情 所以第几秒心动 人生的意义到底是什么 明天会怎么样 后天就知道了 喜欢的从来不是类型 是感觉 你把你右手 放在我左肩

aside aside: qq music

满格律动，开启尽头时刻 这些节目，笑着笑就悟了